Really, seriously? ugh...

So I am cruising along. Singing a happy tune, positive, open, joyous as the day is freaking long. And smack...I don't know what I hit but the after effects aren't feeling too good. Maybe it is delayed reaction to the shit of the ex leaving. Most likely the effects of jumping into the dating pool too fast with someone that there is incredible chemistry with and going hay why not go big? Ummm... because dumb ass if you go this fast with your heart right there on your cute little sleeve you're gonna get it and it isn't going to be good.

I mean seriously "it" isn't bad. In the grand scheme of things it is just a bump in the road. But this is why people take there time getting back out there right? You can't just go around being all positive in shit when the old shit isn't neatly packaged and thrown out. Too many bumps in the road too close together are a very tricky thing indeed. Not enough self emotional care and sparse support is not good either.

Its been a long time coming

Long time comin' by Bruce Springsteen plays on repeat today. That song seems perfect for where I am. As I sit here thinking and worrying. My tummy doing flip flops of joy and pure nerves. I know I get to choose a path of abundance, joy and trust, pure trust. I've never walked that path before and I am uncertain. So I stop to count my blessings again and check in with my faith. I have faith, dreams, hopes and more than enough to make it happen. The meantime is kicking my confidence in moments today.

This image swirls in my head...

I'd welcome you to my table tonight. My dear Jack, just to share in the whole of it all. Spaghetti, salad would feed us all. Nothing else in the cupboard, but we have enough to share. I'd share sweet looks, crossed legs, small touches. All movements would let you know that in the circle of those gathered here tonight I am yours. That my joy is for all but my surrender is for you. There is a touch more abundance than we thought possible.

We'd listen to someone's troubles bigger than our own. Wine for me, beer in the bottle for you, milk for the kiddo. While the warmth of the night surrounds us we'd anticipate the quiet. When everyone is gone or asleep. Then our sounds would emerge. The sounds of our softness, our passion and force. All of them wrapped together to make us complete. Completely bound to each other.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XelwSWXPMrA